the same sky

i got up at a very tired six a.m.   i threw on my double band shirt.  the one i have had for nine years. homosexy squab printed on a spice girls shirt .  squab was one of the bands that played at the first show i ever curated.  i was thirteen, naive and ready for life.  i think that life that i was so ready for happens to be the life that i am living now.  i didnt know then what it was going to be, i chose not to try and figure it out, but i am sure if i could remember it was definitely along these lines.

i  left the house at a dreading six thirty a.m., unlocked my schwinn breeze and entered the rainy street to catch the east bound bus to lark st.   today was the first day in a few days it felt like the first day of school.  i got to the bus stop and for the first time put my bike on the front of the noisy number ten hybrid.  i am always scared to do things for the first time.  always.  i have just learned over the years to pretend.  if i act confident and collected i will probably handle the task with a bit more ease.  although, for some reason, i always profess my distraught thought and overwhelming fear of the situation as soon as i am done.  

it was off the bus ten minutes later and on my bicycle again.  down the quiet street of albany, the less lit sky of the morning is soothing.  a calm becomes me.   i take the turn down hamilton street and i feel the smooth, dangerous, leaf covered street underneath my wet tire.  i know i have no brake. i know there are worse things to have happened.  i see the state buildings reaching like a cat out of a nap into the just glowing morning sky.   good morning and never a good night.

this is the life i chose not to choose.  this could have been any quiet street, this is every city.   my heart is the same sky it would have been any where.  there is a thick layer of content washed over my thin skin that wont be washed away by the next coming rain.