and now its snowing.

this images from below are of fall.  this is pretty much the extent of october.  just stunning.  inspiring.  

i finally enjoyed the live presence of sgt. dunbar and the hobo banned.   what a fabulous show.  very low key.  it was held in the Troy Bike Rescue space.  (i wish i had been part of the renovation. but time does not always allow me to participate in  beautiful events. )  the show was with a band from madison/minneapolis, sleeping in the aviary.  they were a treat.

i met ruby at daisy baker.  what a lovely chat that was.  on both sides of me.  i get these burst of complete inspiration.  they usually change the course of my life and the adventurous paths i never plan for.  ruby really set things apart that evening.  i realized that i can go anywhere, anytime and people are waiting to meet me.  i am waiting to meet them.  

this last saturday we had a fall get together.  rum and cider, dancing, fruit covered caramel, and, well, pumpkin carving.  nancy, my co-worker came over and we went carve crazy.  nancy chiseled the road to hope, i sculpted michelles proud face, and michael lit up obamas face with his excellent carving.  ( you wouldnt believe im a republican)

the last picture is the reason why i can love.

i have fall-en

lil' wayne

"a still-anonymous babymama gave birth to his second child....."   i love the modern dialect.

madlib 

beat konducta 

thanks owen.

the band at 3.25

just drums.

a smile got.

my ride

the day aint cold.

my heart beats.

like drums.

ring ding 

black and mild for a block.

he dont smile.

makes my heart beat.

to a quiet street.

i ride by.

flower in hand.

child beats on seat.

this be my drum.

the same sky

i got up at a very tired six a.m.   i threw on my double band shirt.  the one i have had for nine years. homosexy squab printed on a spice girls shirt .  squab was one of the bands that played at the first show i ever curated.  i was thirteen, naive and ready for life.  i think that life that i was so ready for happens to be the life that i am living now.  i didnt know then what it was going to be, i chose not to try and figure it out, but i am sure if i could remember it was definitely along these lines.

i  left the house at a dreading six thirty a.m., unlocked my schwinn breeze and entered the rainy street to catch the east bound bus to lark st.   today was the first day in a few days it felt like the first day of school.  i got to the bus stop and for the first time put my bike on the front of the noisy number ten hybrid.  i am always scared to do things for the first time.  always.  i have just learned over the years to pretend.  if i act confident and collected i will probably handle the task with a bit more ease.  although, for some reason, i always profess my distraught thought and overwhelming fear of the situation as soon as i am done.  

it was off the bus ten minutes later and on my bicycle again.  down the quiet street of albany, the less lit sky of the morning is soothing.  a calm becomes me.   i take the turn down hamilton street and i feel the smooth, dangerous, leaf covered street underneath my wet tire.  i know i have no brake. i know there are worse things to have happened.  i see the state buildings reaching like a cat out of a nap into the just glowing morning sky.   good morning and never a good night.

this is the life i chose not to choose.  this could have been any quiet street, this is every city.   my heart is the same sky it would have been any where.  there is a thick layer of content washed over my thin skin that wont be washed away by the next coming rain.  

the road is not empty

we flee for heart

we flee for drive

my heart is not empty

my heart is the road

i love word of mouth. i want people to tell me what their plans are. i want them to ask me if i have heard of an upcoming event. i want to share the interest of shows, coffee shops, dances, movies, restaurants. i would like to have the chance to make dates and meet people at a place of common interest. i think it is important for the owners, cordinaters, establishments and promotional parties involved to be able to trust the community to do their part in spreading the word. without this we have flat towns and the lack of momentum.

Sgt. Dunbar and the Hobo Banned tomorrow in Troy, NY at 51 3rd St.

Haunted Corn Maze "Field of Screams"  on saturday the 18th  between 7.30 to 9.30 

                  2627 Gifford's Church Rd.  Princetown, NY 12306

the defiant

i work. i work. i work.
the day goes by,
empty,
rattled,
there is a storm,
the wind,
the fear,
the days are going.

in the eye,
rational,
observant,
in tune to find a peace.

in my soul i am defiant.

the heart

sometimes life goes past a feeling. this is what it looks like when it goes past romantic. this is what i live through.

the moon

The Women (1939)

"with every new day, with every new experience, the world gets a little smaller."

 disposition of laziness.  

i feel i should explain the reason why i am lazy. 

- the library is 0.1 miles away; a walking time of 3 min.  (maps.google.com ).  i have refused the adventure.

twenty two without a phone.

the struggle of an existence with a lesser dependence to technology than the average american.

i dont find myself becoming amish, but i would like to drift away from everyone else.  with the lack of practice of moderation and balance in these pre-post-modern times, i am not sure where "extreme" actions are necessary compared to non-steps being taken.  

extreme actions i feel i would like to practice would be having no car, no computer, and the most difficult....... no phone. 

 i have a car. does anybody want to buy it because i usually forget i have it. 

no computer, no change.  the interesting  thing about not having a computer is that i want one.  i cannot afford one.  for the most part, the most dragging reason as to why i want one is for convenience.  the constant "may i use your computer" thing is, quite simply, a drag. the weighing issues seem to come down to bothering others, which i dont really have a problem with and my modern disposition of laziness. 

the most arduous task is the ditching of the el phono. fuck. i recently dropped mine in the toilet. 6:43 a.m. on my way out the door for work.  i was disconcerted. all the text messages i was going to miss.  how was i going to call anybody when i went on delivery.   i wouldnt know the time.  what if zombies attacked. what if there was a hurricane.  an earthquake.  what would i do if i got a flat tire. was running late.  bored. tired. if i got excited.  what if i got got mad.  jesus. exactly, how the fuck did jesus survive without a phone?  

he didnt. he was nailed to  cross.  locked in a cave and no way to call anybody.

after all of this disconbobulance i thought about being broke.  i do spend five bucks a month for when this situation goes down, and trust me, it goes down often.  but i will also need to spend fifty on a new phone.  and then continue to spend 59.74 every month after.  which is up five bucks ever since i went three hundred over on my text messages.  

my mood started to shift. i began to realize that my stress was leading to moments of ease. i didnt have to worry about getting distracted from work. no look out for the cops as i scream around a corner in my bosses car.  no wondering why he hasnt called. and my favorite, a perfectly appropriate excuse for not calling anybody back, even though my voicemail has precedented for that continual occurrence. 

so, i am without a phone.  i dont even need to think about it.  the decision has been made. 

aw, fuck.  

my phone, it, it cant be. is it true. oh lord. it works.

now i have a choice.

maybe my choice will be to take the money that would normally go to paying for my phone, save it and buy a computer.  

Hebrew n'9 n9 p9

love it.

"ina babba, ally babba.... something, something, (this shit is awesome) babba"

my favorite conversation of the day followed the explanation of  Yom Kippur.

"happy atonement, i guess." 

"eh. its hopeless"

i do find the timing of things in my life to be nothing less of synchronistic in the most beautiful and enlightening ways.

i think in order for one to fully understand the beauty of my existence is through the details of the previous sentence.